HIGH TIMES
A Funny Scene
(Allegedly!)
By David J. Glover
14 September 2008
SCENE
Two Squirrels, Fred and Dave are flying in a two-seater biplane which they have just stolen from the British Museum. They are both wearing leather flying hats and goggles.
Dave is flying from the rear seat. Fred is not feeling well.
As the scene starts Dave has just finished a particularly stomach emptying maneuver.
Fred
(Queezy)
Oh….
Dave
(Victoriously)
Yes!
Fred
(Screaming over the noise of the engines)
Why are you doing this?
Dave
It’s the best thing…
Fred
You can’t mean it
Dave
No. I’m serious.
Fred puts his paw up to his mouth as if he is about to throw-up.
Fred
(Pleading)
Please.
Dave
(Having difficulty hearing Fred)
What.
Fred notices something on the floor of the cockpit. He picks it up and holds it over his head so Dave can read it. It is a yellow sign which reads: “WARNING: DO NOT REMOVE THIS SIGN.”
Fred
What does this mean?
Dave
Nothing
Dave levels off the biplane. Fred’s world stops spinning
Fred
(With obvious relief)
So different.
They hit a sudden pocket of turbulence.
Dave
Not really.
Fred
Oh………………….
After a few more fur raising bumps and judders.
Dave
(Reassuringly)
You’re good.
Above the roar of the engine, the whirr of the propeller and the deafening wind, tranquility returns… momentary. The plane begins to roll from side to side as if Dave is about to perform another lunch-launching maneuver. Fred turns round in his chair to face Dave.
Fred
(Solemnly)
Forget it.
Dave
(innocently)
What?
Fred looks accusingly at Dave as Dave begins to frantically point at the front of the plane. Fred turns round and is confronted by a quickly enlarging panorama of mountainside.
Fred
(panicking)
Go on.
Dave
I will.
They both scream as Dave performs evasive maneuvers.
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