division/part/section
A Fragment
By David J. Glover
Ver. 3
January 2011
© David J. Glover
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Characters (3M, 1F)
Actor One (Male) The Man
Actor Two (Female) Female Cop
Calliope
Nurse
The Woman
Hat
Actor Three (Male) Dave's Mate
Old Man Sings
Psychiatrist
Wrong/Right
Actor Four (Male) Brian
Lamb
Right/Wrong
Boots
Time
Tomorrow afternoon.
Place
Here. This place.
Scenes
The Opening of Lips
Breaking the Ice
Insert Coin To Play
A Fine Line
Interesting Whines
Scene 1 – The Opening Of Lips
(A FEMALE COP sits and bleeds. She is trussed painfully to a chair, hands and feet bound. She is gagged. She has pissed herself.
Down Stage a blackboard, lectern and microphone wait patiently. There is an air of expectation.
THE MAN ENTERS quietly and crosses to the lectern. He pays the FEMALE COP no attention)
(Silence)
(THE MAN taps the microphone gently. It is on. He clears his throat as if in preparation to speak)
(Silence)
THE MAN
(Addressing the audience)
A part is any component of a whole.
(Silence)
A part is any component of a whole.
(As if by way of explanation THE MAN turns to the blackboard and writes: "A part is any component of a whole." He turns back to the audience looking for recognition, understanding. But gets none)
THE MAN (Cont'd)
It's going to be a long night.
Scene 2 - Breaking the Ice
(BRAIN and DAVE'S MATE ENTER. Both young, British gangster-wannabes, BRIAN is more balls than brawn, while DAVE'S MATE is clearly the intellectual superior. But only just. They speak over the bound FEMALE COP in excruciating Cockney accents.)
BRIAN
(Calmly)
I don't see the problem. What's the problem?
DAVE'S MATE
(Infuriated)
What's the problem? What's the fucking problem? It's a fucking cop you stupid cunt.
BRIAN
So?
DAVE'S MATE
So? Fucking so? It's a fucking cop!
BRIAN
I know that now.
DAVE'S MATE
You know? Oh, well that's all right then.
BRIAN
It's a cop.
DAVE'S MATE
(Exploding)
I can see it's a fucking cop. You cunt!
BRIAN
(Obliviously calm)
You're over reacting. And stop calling me a cunt!
DAVE'S MATE
Your right. I'm over reacting. It's cool. I'm cool. We're all fucking cool. Right? Right! It's not so bad. You have, quite calmly and in all seriousness, brought me, vis-à-vis, myself and I, a cop! You, that is, as in you, have brought here, to this place a member representative thereof pertaining to a fraternal society...
FEMALE COP
(mumbling through gag)
MMmmhhff
DAVE'S MATE (Cont'd)
...what is the feminine for fraternal?
FEMALE COP
MmmMmmfffhhh
DAVE'S MATE
(pulling down the gag)
Sorry Love, what?
(She spits blood and gasps for air. After a moment...)
FEMALE COP
(panting)
Soral! The feminine form of fraternal is soral.
(Dave pulls the gag back across her mouth)
DAVE'S MATE
(continuing rant at BRIAN)
... pertaining to the soral society...
(to FEMALE COP)
Soral. Really?
FEMALE COP
(affirmatively)
MMmhhmm.
DAVE'S MATE
(to BRAIN)
Soral society... pertaining to... fuck, now I've lost my train.
BRIAN
Erm, "you, that is, as in me, have brought here, something, something, something, pertaining to a fraternal society"...
DAVE'S MATE
...soral society. Right! Which is a community of individuals who are instructed and supported by The People to endeavor to track down, hamper, fowl-up, cease and otherwise desist the actions and plans of honest, law abiding criminals, like what we, our good selves, are...
(DAVE'S MATE pulls out a gun and cocks it)
DAVE'S MATE (Cont'd)
A cop whose sole purpose is to apprehend - with, may I point out, "whatever force may be deemed reasonable" - bastards like you and I. But, apparently, I am over reacting. You stupid fucking cunt!
(THE MAN taps at the microphone and clears his throat)
THE MAN
(to audience)
A "portion" is a "part" allotted to, or regarded as, belonging to...
(THE MAN turns to the blackboard and writes: "portion")
THE MAN (Cont'd)
(to audience)
You see? A "portion." Allotted to. Belonging to. You see?
Scene 3 - Insert Coin To Play
(OLD MAN SINGS sits in a rocking chair. Almost inaudibly he sings in a deep Southern accent.
A young woman, CALLIOPE, sits at a small table close by. She speaks slowly and deliberately but with an air of sadness hiding a bitter aggression. Intermittently she pauses to push a large coin around the surface of the table. When she speaks she does not move. When she pushes the coin she does not speak, her world is utterly consumed by the action of pushing the coin. The pair talk fluidly over one another)
OLD MAN SINGS
(singing)
And they were singing, bye bye Miss...
CALLIOPE
Situate oneself within real...
(pause, she pushes the coin)
OLD MAN SINGS
(singing)
...to the levy, but the levy was dry. Them good ole boys were drinking...
CALLIOPE
...activity, he says. That is, within a practical relationship to the...
(she pushes the coin)
OLD MAN SINGS
(singing)
...this'll be the day that I die...
CALLIOPE
...world. The preoccupied active presence in the world through which the...
(she pushes the coin)
OLD MAN SINGS
(singing)
This'll be the day that I die...
CALLIOPE
...world imposes its presence. With its "urgencies," its "things to be done," and...
OLD MAN SINGS
(speaking, reminiscing)
I was born (beat) no, not under a wanderin' star, but I may have had ma wagon hitched to such.
CALLIOPE
..."things to be said..."
(she pushes the coin)
OLD MAN SINGS
But the truth of the mater is that I was born.
CALLIOPE
(absently)
Huh!
OLD MAN SINGS
That much of which, I am certain.
CALLIOPE
Things made to...
(She pushes the coin)
...be done
OLD MAN SINGS
Wither the stars paid any mind to my bein' born or not, ma momma died not long after. Of that much I am fairly certain...
CALLIOPE
...and things made to be...
OLD MAN SINGS
...though I have no proof.
CALLIOPE
..said. Things...
(She pushes the coin)
...which directly govern words...
OLD MAN SINGS
What became of the time between bein' born...
CALLIOPE
...and deeds...
OLD MAN SINGS
...ma momma dyin'...
CALLIOPE
...without ever...
OLD MAN SINGS
...'n' me bein' eight years old...
(CALLIOPE pushes the coin)
OLD MAN SINGS (Cont'd)
...I do not recall.
CALLIOPE
...unfolding as a spectacle."
OLD MAN SINGS (Cont.)
If'n I should choose to think back, as I am sometimes want to do, I do recall sluggin' Sinclair Alabama Johnson in the mouth when I was eight years old. But before that, I do not recall.
(CALLIOPE pushes the coin off the table. It lands noisily on the floor. CALLIOPE sighs. It is full of distain and hatred)
CALLIOPE
Hhhhaaaaaaa!
(Turning immediately to the blackboard, THE MAN narrates as he writes:"A piece is a part separated from the whole")
THE MAN
A "piece" is a "part" separated from the "whole."
(Pause)
A piece of pie.
A piece of the puzzle.
A piece of Art.
A piece of Art? What whole...
(He turns to the board and writes the word "whole" in very large letters)
THE MAN (Cont'd)
...what "whole" is a piece of art separated from? Per se. Quid pro quo. In absentia. Ad nauseum! Etcetera etcetera? Hmm?
Scene 4 – Primum Non Nocere.
(LAMB SITS on a chair rocking slightly. Emotionless, he recites a list. Sometimes he is almost inaudible but he never stops reciting)
LAMB
Aeschylus. Sixth Century BC. Greek playwright. Dead. Sophocles. Fifth Century BC. Greek playwright. Also dead.
(A NURSE and PSYCHIATRIST ENTER. The PSYCHIATRIST holds a small paper bag from which he intermittently pops something in his mouth. The NURSE refers to charts on a clipboard)
NURSE
Patient initially presented three years ago with insomnia, depression and anxiety.
LAMB
Euripides. Fifth Century. Greek playwright. Wrote good parts for women. Dead.
NURSE
Out-patient therapy produced little to no response. Patient now considered noncompliant.
LAMB
Oedipus. Oedipus Rex. Not a real person. Therefore, not technically dead. See Freud comma Sigmund.
NURSE
Not considered a danger to self or others.
LAMB
Terence. Around second century BC. Roman comic playwright.
Only wrote six plays, all of which survive.
NURSE
Recommendation for neuro-workup and meta-analysis by Dr. Quack on three twelve.
PSYCHIATRIST
Quack.
NURSE
Yes Doctor.
LAMB
Plautus. Also second century BC. Roman. Comic playwright. Influenced the farces of Moliere, apparently.
PSYCHIATRIST
Good man, Quack. Fair handicap.
(to NURSE)
Would you care for a candy-cover chocolate confectionary with an coincidental chemical composition correlating uncannily to a leading pharmacological complement for vitamin K deficiency?
NURSE
Thank you doctor.
(NURSE eats a candy-pill. PSYCHIATRIST continues to pop them intermittently)
LAMB
Aristophanes. Fifth Century BC. Greek comic playwright. Wrote Lysistrata, later illustrated by Picasso. Dead.
PSYCHIATRIST
(to LAMB)
Picasso?
LAMB
Both.
PSYCHIATRIST
(To NURSE)
It was discovered in chickens, you know?
NURSE
(writing)
Candy. Chickens.
PSYCHIATRIST
Hmm? No, Vitamin K.
LAMB
Hroswitha of Gandersheim around the tenth century. Female monastic Christian poet. Rewrote Terence's comedies without prior written consent of his representative, estate or agent working on his behalf.
THE MAN
(to audience)
A "fraction" is often found to reflect some elements of the sum from which it comes.
PSYCHIATRIST
Chicken Pox, on the other hand; no relationship to chickens what-so-ever. Medicinal shaped candy?
(NURSE takes and eats a candy-pill)
NURSE
Thank you. Erm, about the patient doctor...
LAMB
Lucius Annaeus Seneca. Seneca the Younger. Four BC to AD sixty-five. Roman stoic philosopher & dramatist. Phaedra, Medea, Agamemnon. Some works attributed are questionable in origin.
PSYCHIATRIST
Is he a professional burglar?
NURSE
(Referring to chart)
Erm, it doesn't say.
PSYCHIATRIST
Hmm! My brother was a burglar. Good at it too, from what I hear.
LAMB
Aristotle. Three Eight Four to three twenty two BC. Also Greek. Not a playwright. Wrote The Poetics. Liked to fuck boys.
(NURSE and PSYCHIATRIST look at LAMB with momentary curiosity)
LAMB (Cont'd)
Menander. Three Hundred and Forty Two to Two Hundred and Ninety One BC. Greek comic playwright. Not very funny. Not funny at all. Compare with Chekhov comma Anton; also not very funny.
THE MAN
(to audience)
Equally, a "fraction" is often discovered to bear no resemblance, to the total from which it comes.
(beat)
There will be a handout.
Nurse
Excuse me doctor, about the patient...
PSYCHIATRIST
Yes, yes. What's on your pretty little mind. Pill?
(She takes a candy-pill)
NURSE
Thank you. Well, I was just thinking...
PSYCHIATRIST
Uh-hu.
LAMB
Ovid. Forty Three BC to Seventeen AD. Roman Epic Poet. Wrote Metamorphoses and Medicamina Faciei Feminae or, in English, Make-Up For The Female Face.
NURSE
...should we listen to the patient? Should we? Perhaps? Listen?
PSYCHIATRIST
(distractedly popping a candy-pill)
Hmm? Oh good Lord no. No. We have absolutely no interest in what is being said.
(he laughs)
To be honest, it is a most objectionable responsibility to have to acknowledge that anyone is speaking at all. Let alone actually listen. Heavens no.
LAMB
(to audience)
Horace. Sixty Five to Eight BC. Roman lyric poet. Didn't rhyme much.
(Pause. MUSIC plays quietly.)
PSYCHIATRIST
These pills are very good. Shall we dance? We should dance.
(They dance)
(Solemnly LAMB rises from the chair. He sighs a heavy sigh. Otherwise ambivalent to the dancing pair, LAMB takes the paper bag from the PSYCHIATRIST, walks to the front of the stage, stops and pops a candy-pill in his mouth)
LAMB
(to audience)
Homer. Ninth or Eighth century BC. Greek epic poet. Fat. Bald. And apparently yellow.
(Pause. LAMB pops a candy-pill and contemplates the audience as the pair dance quietly behind him)
THE MAN
(addressing the audience)
A division is a part formed by classification.
(beat)
Allocation, allotment, arrangement, assortment, branding, breaking down, building up, cataloguing, codifying, collocating, coordinating, correlation, disposition, distinguishing, distribution, division, embodiment, filing, grading, grouping, incorporating, indexing, labeling, matching or un-matching, naming and or numbering, ordering, organizing, pegging, pigeonholing, putting away, ranging, ranking, rating, regimenting, segregating, sizing - either up or down, sorting, systematizing, tabbing, tabulating, tagging, ticketing, typing, typecasting, cutting and or partitioning. A division is a part formed by classification. So is a section...
(NURSE and PSYCHIATRIST EXIT dancing)
THE MAN (Cont'd)
(as an after thought)
...though it is smaller.
(LAMB sighs and EXITS. The music continues quietly)
Scene 5 – A Fine Line
(WRONG/RIGHT and RIGHT/WRONG sit down centre stage facing each other. They are in the middle of what appears to be a heated argument. They sit as though paralyzed. During their dialogue THE WOMAN undresses WRONG/RIGHT then RIGHT/WRONG and redresses them in the cloths of the other. While she does this she hums quietly with the music)
RIGHT/WRONG
Style?! I don't want to be fashioned into any style!
WRONG/RIGHT
But you must. It has to be in some style or other! That is inevitable.
RIGHT/WRONG
Fine. Then it is in my style.
WRONG/RIGHT
Now you're just being ridiculous.
RIGHT/WRONG
Traitor.
WRONG/RIGHT
You can not have a section in your style. You haven't got a style.
(Pause)
It's supposed to be funny. It is supposed to be funny, yes?
RIGHT/WRONG
Yes. Well, no! I mean funny, yes, but making a serious point. It's irony!
WRONG/RIGHT
(Laughing)
Irony? Ha! Irony-schmirony!
RIGHT/WRONG
It's a part of a thing.
WRONG/RIGHT
It's apart from reality. That's what it's apart from.
RIGHT/WRONG
It's a fragment about parts.
WRONG/RIGHT
Oh, self referential irony. Zzzzzzz,zzzzzz.
(WRONG/RIGHT closes his eyes and makes snoring noises)
RIGHT/WRONG
What's that supposed to mean?
WRONG/RIGHT
Yawn! Are you still talking? Sorry I must have dozed of. Your whining can be quite calming
RIGHT/WRONG
What's that supposed to...
WRONG/RIGHT
Been done before. It's all been done before. And done better mind you.
RIGHT/WRONG
But it hasn't been done by me.
WRONG/RIGHT
Oh, I see. That's different then. You're going to re-invent the wheel because you didn't invent it in the first place! Fine, but it doesn't seem too clever. And remind me, you want to be judged on this?
RIGHT/WRONG
Yes? I mean, yes but...
WRONG/RIGHT
You have to contextualize the action. Who are your antecedents? Where's your mission statement? Do you have a comprehensive marketing strategy?
(pause)
What are you trying to say?
RIGHT/WRONG
I'm just trying to express myself. Why do I have to be saying anything? Do flowers have to be saying something? Doves coo and snakes hiss, and are they saying anything?
WRONG/RIGHT
Er, actually yes. Yes they are.
RIGHT/ WRONG
The wind then? The earth and the heavens in the sky?
WRONG/RIGHT
Oh please! You're immature and irrational. Self referential irony needs to be quick and funny and weird and off the wall and avant-garde and postmodern and you, you are not! You are none of these things. Earth and heavens. Really! You are childish and whiney.
(beat)
And you lack style.
RIGHT/WRONG
(taken aback)
How can you say that? Are you even allowed to say that? I haven't got a style, huh! My style is the way that I tell my story?
WRONG/RIGHT
Well if you want to look at it like that, I suppose that's one way to look at it. An incomplete and way of looking at it, but certainly one way of looking at it.
RIGHT/WRONG
But I thought it was all about telling people's stories, about what they have to say, to present feelings and individual truths and understandings. I thought that's why we were here. Doing this. I thought that's what we were supposed to be doing!
WRONG/RIGHT
I thought this, I thought that! Who told you to think this and that. Who said that's what you were to think? Who said you could think at all?
RIGHT/WRONG
No one. Its just what I think.
WRONG/RIGHT
(mocking)
Oh, Original Thought, is it? That's good but I don't think so.
RIGHT/WRONG
But it's all so old and tired. I can't be the first person to think this. I can't be original, there must be others. There must...
WRONG/RIGHT
Maybe there are, maybe there are not! But while you're here...
THE MAN
A "segment" is a "part" separated along natural lines of division.
(The music fades out. It is replaced by the sound of a strong wind)
Scene 6 - Interesting Whines
(HAT and BOOTS are revealed on stage. BOOTS is plays with his hat while HAT takes off her boot to rub her feet)
HAT
The wind has come.
BOOTS
We know what that means.
HAT
Yes. We know what that means.
(pause)
What does it mean?
BOOTS
The end. The end is near.
HAT
Ah.
(pause)
So you're telling me... no, let me get this right, you are insisting, that it never happened. It's all made up!
BOOTS
Well, yes!
HAT
All of it?
BOOTS
Yeah.
HAT
No.
BOOTS
Yup.
HAT
Even the bit about the erm, you know...
(HAT whistles conspiratorially)
BOOTS
All made up. None of it's true. A lie. You could say. If you want to consider it as such
HAT
That's grave.
(Pause, then with disbelief)
A lie? A conscious lie?
BOOTS
I don't know that I'd go as far as to say conscious lie. But certainly not the truth.
HAT
Can I have a light?
BOOTS
Why?
HAT
I want to smoke.
BOOTS
I don't like it when you smoke.
HAT
Then I'll go outside.
BOOTS
I don't like it when you smoke at all.
HAT
What do you care?
BOOTS
I'm only thinking of your future.
(Pause)
Have you thought much about your future?
HAT
I have not and I don't care to. Can I have a light?
BOOTS
Who do we know who's got a future?
HAT
I don't know. I'm going out before it gets any colder and darker.
BOOTS
Is it dark?
HAT
It's getting to be.
BOOTS
What?
HAT
It's getting dark.
(HAT looks up)
The moon is out.
(An apple roles across the stage, HAT picks it up, regards it with momentary skepticism and then bites into it)
BOOTS
Shall we stay further?
HAT
Yes, lets.
(They EXIT)
(THE MAN turns to the blackboard and wipes off all the writing, leaving only the word "Whole")
(Silence)
(He thinks about this for a moment then turns back to the audience)
THE MAN
A "fragment" is a small part. Usually broken off...
(He slowly turns to the board and erases the letter "W" leaving only the word "hole")
(THE MAN exits quietly)
(BLACKOUT)