David J Glover

 

A Piece Of Theatre That Is Five Minutes Long

The Premise.

This short piece of performance art was originally designed in response to a call for a piece of theatre that was exactly "5 minutes long." Initially I displayed on stage a piece of brickwork from the theatre building, which was in the process of reconstruction, that had the the image "" painted onto it. Literally a "piece of theatre" that inaccurately depicted itself in the forth dimension, labeling itself as something  it is not. After much deliberation I decided to deconstruct the installation and investigate the parameters of the phrase with a view to producing a more performance oriented product.

The Set-up

Audience members are brought onto the stage and asked to sit in two rows of chairs. Each chair back is against the back of another chair. The chairs do not need to be in a straight line, as long as they are in opposite facing pairs. Next, a black pillow case is placed on the lap of each audience member. (Are they still "audience" at this point or have they become "participants"? You choose!) The lights are then dimmed but not blacked out. At this time any on-stage assistants (director, ushers, stage hands, crew etc.) must be seen to be leaving the stage completely. The following audio clips then play. The audio should be mixed so it lasts for exactly five minutes. This piece is not about turning the tables and making the audience into active participants in the action. It is not a piece of Invisible Theatre. Therefore it is important that at the end of the five minutes there are no representatives of the performance in the room, no one is there to take a bow. The audience must be left with a sence of bewilderment and futility. Anger is an equally appropriate responce.

The Conclusion
During the execution of this piece audience members have;

  • got up and walked out,
  • removed the "vanity bag,"
  • actively looked around the room to see if they were "doing it right,"
  • become claustrauphobic and
  • on one occasion, started to sing.
A variety of dramaturgical analyses have been profered, including;
  • Is this piece about theatre?
  • Can this piece even be called theatre?
  • If so, is it Meta-theatre?
  • Is the artist commenting on slavery? Guantanamo Bay? The Iraq war? Torture? Treatment of prisoners?
  • What is the significance of the different languages?
  • Why is the script different for each language? Shoudl the audience know what is being said?
  • Is this piece actually directed?
  • Is this piece actually performed by someone? Who? If no one sees anyone else does it matter?
  • Is this piece Existential? Does it raise Existential questions?
  • If this piece is a metaphor, what is it a metaphor for.

The pre-recorded audio.

NB: this must be pre-recorded, it can not be performed live.

English1

Hello and welcome. Thank you for attending “a piece of theatre.”

Finnish1

(Hello. Thank you for coming here from what is also called a "Piece of theater.")
Hello. Kiitos etta olette tulleet tanne, mita myos kutsutaan nimella “Piece of theatre".

Senegalese1

(Sit down, do not make a noise, do not think. This is not your “piece of theatre”. )
Toggul , noppil , boul xallat . Momo piece of theatre bii

English2

My name is Dave Glover, you may remember me from such unmemorable pieces of theatre such as: “ bollox , that’s entertainment,” “Help, I’ve lost my motivation” and the highly un-acclaimed performance enhancement DVD, “I’m naked, your naked: lets make theatre.”

Finnish2

(His name is Dave Glover, he has never been in performance called: “ bollox, that’s entertainment”, “Help, I’ve lost my motivation” or a DVD called, “I’m naked, your naked lets make theatre.” )
Hanen nimensa on Dave Glover, eika han ole koskaan ollut teatterikappaleissa “Bollocks, tuohan viihde- ”, “Apua , olen kadottanut motivaationi” saati a DVD “Olen alasti , sina olet alasti , nyt tehdä teatteria !”

Senegalese2

(Dave Glover is an enemy of theatre, art and the creative. His work is self confessed “bollox”. There will be a DVD of him being stripped naked and executed.
NB: The original Senegalese text has been lost
(If anyone can translate the above sentence into Senegalese, please email me, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ).  

English3

In a few moments you will be presented with a piece of theatre that is five minutes long. Firstly in your seated position with your back pressed against your partners put the vanity bag over your head.

Finnish3

(In a few moments you will wonder why you are being presented with a piece of theatre, firstly you will be manipulated, controlled and made uncomfortable.)
Hetken kuluttua teille tullaan esittamaan teatterikappale . Mutta ensimmäinen sinua manipuloidaan, valvotaan ja olonne tehdaan epamiellyttavaksi.

Senegalese3

(You are weak fools. Like sheep. You do not understand where the power lies. I am in control. I am your bringer of life. I am your salvation. I am your end.)
NB: The original Senegalese text has been lost
(If anyone can translate the above sentence into Senegalese, please email me, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ).  

English4

Well done! That’s great.
Now put your hands out in front of you with your palms facing upwards.

Finnish4

Well done!
(Now put your hands out. It will serve only to add to the pointlessness of your actions.1)
Hyvin tehty!
Nyt laittaa kädet eteenpäin. Se toimii vain lisätä turhuuden toimistasi
Hyvin tehty!
Nyt laittaa kädet eteenpäin. Se toimii vain lisätä turhuuden toimistasi.

Senegalese4

Well done!
(Now clasp your hands in front of you and beg for mercy.)
NB: The original Senegalese text has been lost
(If anyone can translate the above sentence into Senegalese, please email me, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ).  

English5

Your doing well. There now follows some relaxing silence during which time your personal piece of theatre, which is five minutes long, will be provided for you.Please enjoy the show and remember to tip your director on the way out.Thank you.

Finnish5

(That’s great! There now follows some silence during which time you will contemplate the uselessness of theatre.)
Se on hienoa! nyt seuraa noin hiljaisuus, jonka aikana voit pohtia hyödytöntä teatteri

 

Senegalese5

(Pointless sheep! In the following silence contemplate your end, make peace with your self and prepare to die.)
NB: The original Senegalese text has been lost
(If anyone can translate the above sentence into Senegalese please email me, This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it ).  

At this point in the performance a small piece of masonry, sheet-rock, brick, drywall or similar thing is placed into the upturned palms of each blindfolded audience member. The audio continues to play silence until the following two sound effects are played. The total audio time should be exactly five minutes, this is achieved by altering the length of silence before the last two sound effects.

Gun Shots

Applause

 

The lights come up.
There is no curtain call.
End of performance.



1: I have been informed that the phrase "pointlessness of action" translates in Finnish as “the vanity of art.” If this is true it is a beautiful coincidence.